It’s funny, but significant days occur for various communities and if you aren’t connected you miss the significance. October 11th is National Coming Out Day. Because the LGBTQ community has lived in silence because of fear, stigma, and discrimination, coming out is about accepting the realities of your sexual… identity. It is just not one day, we come out over and over again.
While the process may be much easier after the first time, it is a reality that this community faces constantly. Thank God you have more supportive organizations — like the Gay Straight Alliance in many schools. Over 160 campuses have LGBTQ centers (but there are over 3500 colleges and universities in the US — so this is a far cry from real support on college campuses).
While I knew I was different I never came out to myself until 1980 (I was 18 at the time). All through college and after college I lived two separate lives. In today’s terminology, you could say that I was on the DL (downlow). Why? — Fear of rejection, fear of losing family & friends, and stigma. It was hard enough being Black in America — why add another layer of discrimination.
It was in 1990 (at age 28) that I participated in a diversity training exercise at Colorado State University —Crossing the Line —- I professionally came out. The exercise explores a serious of situations and if they are applicable you choose or not choose to cross the line. I along with 3 other professionals crossed the line about being discriminated against for sexual orientation. It was a major moment in my life and professional career.
From that point, I made a commitment to love ALL OF ME — regardless of what people think — their homophobia — etc. I can’t be caught in other people’s demons and fears — So I stand here — 20 years later as an OUT Bisexual man living with HIV. I have many supportive colleagues, friends and family members. I am very comfortable with my life and I work hard everyday to advocate for social justice for all.
October 11th is an important day for many — especially those who are struggling with their identity and fearful of coming out. Coming out isn’t for everyone and it has to be done at the right time for that individual. The ultimate task for all us is to find a way to celebrate and integrate all the multiple dimensions of our lives. Race/ethnicity, socio-economic class, ability, spirituality, gender, sexual orientation are all factors that impact our identity. Finding that space to enjoy and celebrate all at the same time is a critical step for healthy development. I am not just black or just bisexual, or a person living with HIV —- I am all of that at the same time and I bring all of my identities all the time.
May we find the peace in this country to accept people for who they are. If we begin to have open and honest conversations — people won’t be forced to lie to create these diversions which may impact communities worst. We are all God’s children — EVERYONE OF US!!!!!
